While I watched him pack and leave I kept thinking: Is this what I really want? Why don’t I put a stop to this madness? Come on, don’t ruin this! But I wasn’t ruining anything… I was just doing what I know best: letting go.

Ever since my heart was trampled on for the first time my motto has been ‘people come and go’. I don’t believe in The One; I consider the whole soul mate business rather silly. And I definitely don’t think love lasts forever. I think there are people who come into one’s life at the right moment and then leave when their time is over.

We used to sneer at the thought of getting married, and yet I felt as we had been married for at least 10 years. I felt I was settling. But I don’t want to settle. I don’t want a relationship that’s so-so. I don’t want to be loved and taken care of and pampered without offering something in return. I hate one-sided relationships. And I couldn’t give anything back anymore. At one point it stopped being the relationship I wanted.

Being alone scares the shit out of me. Yet it’s the right thing to do. For me, for him. I have mentally prepared myself for being miserable from time to time, for crying my eyes out, for cursing my idealistic side, for hating everything about my life. I know I’m going to feel like crap a lot of days.

But I am also prepared for whatever tomorrow might bring. Deep down I know I’ll be fine. Whatever happens, I’ll always be fine. Now I just have to get used to being by myself. Alone and happy. If I can master that, I can do anything.

*Elle Lefant – Runaways

Posted on by ionuca | Posted in For a minute there I lost myself, I hate Mondays, I think I'm paranoid and complicated, I'm just a girl, My Bucharest, Pictures of you

15 Responses to I’ve been dreaming of a broken heart since the day we met*

  1. by Diana on November 27, 2012 at 11:14 pm


  2. by D. on November 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Parcul… Unde?

  3. by ionuca on November 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    @Diana: hug back!

    @D.: Herăstrău.

  4. by Béranger on November 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm


  5. by Daniel on November 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    @Béranger: Not really.

  6. by Eddie on November 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    … are totally crazy :)

  7. by gracie on November 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    It’s always sad when something’s over, but it’s also revitalizing the thought that something’s gonna happen. A door is closed and another one might be opened tomorrow. Let the sadness come to you, till you can handle it, it will help you to heal and going on. Like someone said….after all tomorrow is another day!

  8. by Ally@ Snow Feathers on November 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Hmm, once you have your heart broken, nothing is the same…

  9. by ionuca on November 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    @Gracie: yes, you are right. Everything will be fine – sooner or later :)

    @Ally: you can say that again!

  10. by manu on December 3, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    i was worried about you after the last post. good to know what has happened – i wish you the best for the next time!

  11. by ionuca on December 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    @manu: thank you, dear! Big big hugs!

  12. by Ralf on December 12, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    ich glaube das nicht

  13. by fanel on December 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Oare poti sa visezi ceva ce nu-ti doresti timp de 10 ani?! ..esti ca in melodia aia a lu’ Kimbra – Settle Down :)

  14. by Meli on December 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    :(( Dar sunt sigura ca o sa fie bine! Totusi mi se pare ca varsatori nu sunt facuti pentru relatii! :/

  15. by ionuca on December 20, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    @Meli: sunt de-acord cu tine în privința vărsătorilor :D

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