Rainbow Child

A casual talk with Martha´s mum:

i: “Argh, I can´t believe he doesn´t know how to do that! He´s a man, he should know how to do such practical things! If not, why should you have a man around the house?”
Mm: “Just to have babies.”
i: “And if you don´t want to have babies?”
Mm: “Well…”

We moved in together. It officially happened when I came back to Bucharest but he still hasn’t brought over his furniture cause he doesn’t have where to put it yet. We’re working on that. Unofficially, we’ve been living together since day one. I was still pissed because my relatives were killing me with their stupid questions about me being single when he moved in. It wasn’t subtle at all: I almost kicked him in the groin when I saw his toothbrush in my bathroom. He was allowed to sleep over but he wasn’t allowed to leave things behind. At least for the first two weeks he wasn’t. Then he simply moved in.

I thought Mum would have something to say about this but it seems that she has stronger opinions when it comes to tattoos than me living with a guy I’ve just started dating After visiting my parents twice they are now convinced that he’s more than a nice guy (although Mum thinks he’s a bit… work-shy) and that I’m on good hands. Or at least that’s the part of the story they should know.

Truth is that he is a nice guy. He’s even more nice than I deserve (it’s always been like that!) but he has his share of flaws. It’s always ugly and messy when we fight but then which fights aren’t like that? I usually shout and feel like throwing things at him and he is trying to calm me down and then he comes up with all these silly excuses for being so stupid. Of course I’m never wrong!

And officially we’ve been together for half a year now. Oh, I know it’s not much at all but it’s still something for me. Living together for six months with someone is really something. Of course we spent the “anniversary” apart because we were having one of our fights! He went out for some beers with his friend, I went out for a lemonade with one of my friends. We’re such a modern couple

Why are we still together? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s such a nice guy. Or maybe because we can stand each other (which is a HUGE achievement for me). Whatever the reason is, I have to admit it’s cool to have someone to share stuff with. And go places with. And boss around. And cook for. And read with. And… and… and…

I have no idea why I’ve stopped baking bread. I guess that at one point I was doing it too often and it got boring. Today, after 3 months of horrible bought bread, I decided it was time to bake again.

(more…)

All my fears and insecurities come to life during nighttime. In my dreams, the ones close to me always hurt me: they let me wait for them in the rain without ever showing up, they run from me, they don’t want to talk to me, they cheat on me. People with whom I haven’t talked in years and people I don’t give a shit about anymore are always very nice to me: we talk for hours, we visit places, we’re inseparable. And when I dream about my parents I dream about them rejecting me. And uRMa always gets hurt. Always.

I don’t know if I want to find out the cause of these horrible nightmares but I think it would be interesting to read some studies about what’s going on in our mind when we’re sleeping. Until then I’ll be, again, terrified of going to sleep at night.

On the phone:

- Oh, I have no idea why she stayed with her dad and stepmother for all those years and didn’t go back to live with her mother! Those people were horrible to her! They told her she was ugly, that her hair was too thin, that her teeth were crooked… She’s so shy now and full of complexes…
- You know, that’s not the only family were such things are said
- What do you mean?
- Well, you’ve always told me that I have ugly knees, that my thighs are puffy, that my hips are too wide…
- Come on, you couldn’t have believed that!
- Mom, have you seen me before wearing a skirt or a pair of pants which didn’t cover my knees?
- …
- Mom? Are you still there?
- …I’m shocked…
- Oh, Mum, I didn’t say this to make you feel bad. I just wanted to prove a point: if someone tells you over and over again that you are this and that you start believing you’re like that and it might take a while to get over that.
- Now I’m really shocked!
- Don’t be! If you want, we can talk more about this when I’m coming home.
- Yes, yes… But I’ve also told you that you are cute and smart and that there’s nothing you can’t do. Did you believe that as well?
- No, not exactly. That’s something completely different. Really, we’ll talk more when I’m home.
- OK, I guess.

That’s one of the maaaany reasons why I don’t want to have kids