Rainbow Child

I’m blogging while a nice lady is cleaning the apartment. I should feel guilty for not doing it myself but we’ve come to the conclusion that our free time is more important than having a tidy place. In Baia Mare we’ve had a cleaning lady since I was 13. I’ve always been a bit of a hoarder, clinging to things I didn’t use and not being able to throw them away, so it was good that there was someone who made me give up lots of useless things. I’ve recently opened my desk drawer and it’s so full that I can’t put anything inside anymore. I have to take it out, empty it and throw away everything that I don’t need. I’ll probably open it 50 more times until I’ll manage to clean it. I don’t know why I’m so attached to stupid useless things, why I can’t get rid of them.

I don’t know how long it takes to start climbing as if you know the technique but I’m definitely not there yet. I’m going there for fun and for the exercise and I don’t focus on how to get up, I just do. Sometimes when I’m at the middle of the panel I realise that I don’t know what to do next and I laugh and lose my balance. On the other hand, it feels so good when I reach the top and I’m out of breath and out of strength. I love each and every bruise I get from climbing and every callosity (is this the right term?) on my palms. I think that physical activity is very rewarding but the real challenge is to find an activity that suits you.

Lately it’s all been about me, me, me. Three days a week I go climbing and one evening I go and talk to A., my therapist. And it feels great to have such things to fill my time with. I’m very active and I wouldn’t miss one of those session for anything in the world. I finally realise how important it is to put myself first. I’m really pampering myself and it shows. *And they can’t take that away from me

The only thing that bothers me is that I can’t find the right settings for my camera. I’ve played a bit with the contrast and the white balance and everything and I still haven’t found the perfect combination. The colours are not bright enough and the pics look as if they were taken in the ’70s or something. I don’t have the patience to read miles and miles of articles about how to set your white balance but I think I’ll have to resort to that in the end…

I want to write about Sibiu and the official end of the year (for me 2011 will end a bit later) but I’m already back in this crappy routine and I feel like everything happened a long long time ago. Basically, it was great. We met Béranger and C. and we had a lovely time together. Thinking about them and friends in general I can’t figure out what it takes for a friendship to survive. I mean, it’s obvious that we’re not all the same, that we have different world views, that there are small things that annoy us but in the end we still feel good when we meet and we miss each other when we’re apart. I guess that I can get over many things as long as I feel that I can rely on the other person and as soon as I see that I can’t do that anymore I back away and then I don’t even suffer when it’s over.

There are two things I love about Sibiu: the buildings from the city center and the food. I could go there and eat all day and just walk around the same beautiful streets all day long. It’s such a pity that Bucharest doesn’t have such a pedestrian area. Lipscani is so small and so… small. You go up on one street, come down on another one and that’s that. (But I do appreciate all the pubs there! )

Now I’m back in Bucharest and I’m miserable cause I have to do go to work. It’s absolutely horrible to do something which you don’t like, to be forced to do it. It’s not that I don’t like my actual work – I like it, I really do! – but OMG how difficult it is for me to have a schedule, to spend 8h on a chair, to go there every bloody day. On the other hand, it’d be depressed if I just stayed at home and did nothing and had no money. A part-time job would fit me like a glove but they don’t grow on trees and I get no answers to the CVs I send. I have to stop complaining, look harder for a new job and get the hell out of there!