Rainbow Child

The best part of Christmas is the second day when my parents go to have fun at their friends’ place and I stay behind and I’m alone for a couple of hours. I spend 2 1/2 days with my family in the countryside and I feel that I’ve said everything there was to say and that we had a lovely Christmas together and now I can reward myself with a bit of me time.

Up until now I’ve had a great time home. Tiring but great. I don’t feel that I’ve missed much by not keeping in touch with many people. Yes, I miss some of my classmates but I’m not as sociable as I used to be, I’m not that open. I hate it when people don’t mix, when there are awkward pauses in the conversation and I feel good only with people I’ve know for years and whom I can rely on. The night I went out with Steve and M. was fantastic from my point of view. We had something to drink, the conversation was great and I felt that we were going to meet for many more years to come. I think one of my resolutions will be to let go of people who don’t mean that much to me and stick to the ones who deserve it. There are things I can get over and there are things that are a deal breaker. And for my peace of mind I’m not going to accept any deal breakers.

Spending time with my extended family was okish except that the kids become tiring the third morning and at one point the grown-ups surrounded me with stupid questions: ‘When are you getting married?’ ‘Why hasn’t he joined you here?’ ‘Are you still with him?’ ‘Do you still have feelings for him?’ etc. etc. etc. I know that they always do that and I know that I can’t stop them (that much I’ve learned by going to therapy) but sometimes I wish I could put them on mute and explain that I never ask them about their personal business and that I hate it when they’re trying to be funny by asking me such idiotic questions but I’m pretty sure that next time they would ask the same questions all over again. So I just took a deep breath, told them I’m not getting married and changed the subject. But it bothers me that they still don’t know me/understand me and that they think that I’ll change my mind and do what’s expected of me.

I can’t believe I’m the oldest one among my cousins and other relatives! That I’m an aunt who brings them presents for Christmas and who has a fancy phone and who got a cool haircut and colours her hair! I remember vividly the times when I looked up to my cousins and now it’s scary that there are others who look up to me. Even tough we are so different we are still bound together by this thing called ‘family’. This concept still puzzles me and 50% of time I want to be as far as possible from it (family) and the other half I’d give anything to be closer… I can only hope that one day I’ll know what I actually want.

*Bon Iver – Blood Bank

I can’t believe that Gabi, my Gabi, got married! And his was a wedding I couldn’t miss, I didn’t want to miss. We were almost desk mates in high school (meaning we were desk mates when I moved to the back of the class to nag him and Steve) and he’s one of the few people I really care about. We haven’t seen each other that often in the last five years and I was happy to be there with him on his very important day.

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This beautiful restaurant is close to Baia Mare but it serves mainly fish so it’s not my first option. Still, we spent a lovely afternoon there and we’ll probably go again next spring

My friends are definitely cooler than I am. Some climb mountains, others jump with the parachute, others travel around Europe and others have their own motorcycle and take me road trippin’. I’m not a big fan of cars or motorcycles (well, except the train I think that the other means of transport are not safe at all!) and I can’t fully relax when I’m travelling, but if the driver is good I might enjoy the ride. Thank God that Steve is an excellent driver and I felt quite good riding with him on his motorcycle. I completely forgot how beautiful the surroundings are here but I rediscovered them and I enjoyed a bit of fresh forest air. Too bad that I’m leaving tomorrow.

I am officially allergic to my hometown. And no, it’s not an euphemism. It’s the second (if not the third) time that I get an allergy hours after I have arrived here. I blame it on the clean mountain air

I didn’t have time to roam around the town because we went to the countryside where we celebrated Mum’s birthday. It’s so good to go there from time to time. There’s the place where I grew up, I know every corner of the house and of the garden. But many things have changed since my grandma died and my uncle and his wife moved there. There rooms have changed, the garden has changed and although they have definitely improved the place I wish they hadn’t thrown out so many of my grandparents’ things.

But one thing I really enjoyed there: the fresh vegetables! They have a lovely vegetable garden and they don’t use chemicals so everything was bio and delicious. I always buy my vegetables from the market, from farmers, but you never know what chemicals they use…

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