I haven’t been this zen in ages. I am almost tempted to say that when I’ll look back on my life this is the period I’ll miss the most: not high school, not university, definitely not the MA, but this: 25, feeling as free as a bird, doing exactly what I want, traveling wherever I want, having just as much money as I need, trying and sometimes succeeding to conquer my anxiety, my depressive moods, my dictatorial gestures…

What I find mind-blowing is that now, right this moment, I don’t have any regrets, none whatsoever.

Let the future come, I’m ready for it.

Whenever I went out with Steve on his motorcycle I felt safe. I knew that nothing bad could happen, I felt that he was in control and that he was taking care of me. And whenever he brought me back home I was smiling from ear to ear. It’s such a beautiful friendship we have, it’s so comforting to have someone who knows me for such a long time, someone with whom I feel so safe, so good.

How do people cope with raising children? You know I am crazy about my niece but even she can get on my nerves if we spend too much time together. Add her brother to the combination and I’m literally going crazy! How can you have the patience to tell them ‘no’ over and over again? How can you not be mad when they fight and don’t want to share? Where can you hide when you want to be alone but they won’t let you? Who decides what channel you watch on TV? How many game can one invent and what do you when you, the adult, get tired of playing with them and you want to stop but they are begging you to continue? I’ve started to miss them the moment I left the house and I’d love to play with them right now but it’s clear that I don’t want to see them every day, that I can’t care about someone else more than I care about myself. But I’m OK with it.

Meeting Gabi and Alexandra made me very happy. They are so sweet and so in love! We didn’t have that much time (oh, this time is killing me!) to catch up but they said something about coming to Bucharest so I’m really looking forward to showing them the city and staying out late and chat.

I’ve met/connected with such nice people lately! It’s amazing to talk to someone new and feel like you’ve know them for years! And it feels great to admire and like someone and find out that they think you’re not too bad yourself People are definitely the ones who bring me down but when I happen to meet GREAT people it feels like Christmas morning

Home is… home Mum took these two days off so we can spend more time together. We’re making shopping list and cooking lists and I hope I won’t put on weight while I’m here I haven’t met anyone yet (been too busy dying my hair orange, or close to orange, and shopping for a coat – still looking for one) but tomorrow (well, today) is going to be the day. If it doesn’t rain, I’ll consider tomorrow a perfect day.

I’m not a big fan of Easter but it’s cool that I get to see my family and re-bond with them. I’m not very good with keeping in touch – although I miss some of them, I never call – but sometimes I feel the urge to see them, to talk to them. It’s good to know that there are some people that are there for me no matter how rarely we see each other and no matter how different we are.

The blog has had a couple of rough days. I’m not sure exactly what kind of virus or bug it was infected with, but E. assured me that now it is safe. Too bad that I had to give up my other theme I liked it a lot, although it was a biiiit too crowded. This one is just a draft, it’s far too simple for my taste, but better this than nothing, right? E. will work on a new theme for me when he has time and I’m going to nag him to design something more like me.

Well, I’d better go to bed now. I don’t want to be tired tomorrow, the glorious day.

I feel like I can do anything. No matter how ugly things get at work, no matter how much pressure they put on us, I take a deep breath, swear a little and then I do what I have to do at my own pace. I can’t change them, I can’t organise them better, I can just try and not let them get to me.

Climbing helps a lot. The days I go to the gym are the best. I love the way everything else fades away when I’m there. It’s the perfect combination between using your own strength and finding the perfect balance. I am extremely happy when in the end I manage to climb a rout I find difficult. I love the way my body aches after a climbing session, how my coach humours me and how some other climbers push me to try more difficult things and how I exchange books with some of them. I feel great there!

We also bought tickets for the Andrieș concert and there are two book releases that I’m looking forward to. Martha is in Israel for 10 days, A. & D. have settled in Germany, my parents are in love with the dog, and as far as I know everyone else who matters is doing fine. I couldn’t be happier. Really.

81 days left until I board on a plane to Stuttgart! ♥

*Massive Attack – Saturday Come Slow

I also miss reading for hours. Brewing a pot of green tea and sitting in bed with a colourful blanket on my feet and reading like there’s no tomorrow. Mum has always been very understanding when it came to my reading habits, but she should have encouraged me to read even more. When I was at university she always nagged me to do things, to go out, to meet people, to study – but all I wanted to do was to read, read, read. Now I regret those years. I could have read more! I could have bought more books! I could have put into practice my idea of forming a book club, I could have done some many things!

The Indian restaurant has become our favourite place. It might not be the best Indian restaurant in Bucharest but it’s damn cozy and I love their playlist with Kings of Convenience. The food is delicious as well (and very spicy!), of course. So from now on I am going to take all my friends there and I’m starting with Pavla. She’s coming over on the 25th of March and I can hardly wait to see that crazy Czech girl again! Last time we saw each other was 2 (almost 3!) years ago when I was in Prague! Damn, how time flies… I will try to make the best of her stay here.

Last weekend I drank tequila for the first time. I also got some reindeer antlers with bells on them (the ones you usually put on around Christmas) and I love them! I’ve always wanted a pair of those And it’s such a blessing to be there for my friends on their very important days. Some people are really worth the trouble.

I love this moody spring and I can hardly wait to take my bike out for a ride (it will probably be tomorrow when I got to the climbing gym). Pretty soon I’ll take my blanket along and stop in the park to read in the grass

*Wir sind Helden – 23:55 Alles auf Anfang

Being able to work from home has been such a mood elevator! I correct double the pages and I also go shopping, I cook, I enjoy a cup of tea, I take silly pics of Urma… All’s good.

But back home things are not going my way. Yesterday my parents replaced me with a Bichon Maltese. Yep, it has come to that. Now whenever I talk to my parents on the phone (and it’s quite difficult to get them to answer my calls) they are making those silly voices and they are talking more about the dog or with the dog than they are with me. Jokes aside, I am happy for them. My father has someone to share his days with and my mum will learn not to be so stiff about animals. I can hardly wait to see the little bugger, but I’m not cleaning up dog poo from the street!

Last but not least, we have bought the tickets from this summer holiday. I’ll be in Germany from the 21st of June until the 17th of July and we’ll be together in Berlin from the 3rd of June until we have to come back. I’m taking all my days off in one go and I am so excited about traveling through Germany, exchanging trains or trying the Mitfahrgelegenheit and seeing all my friends. A month sounds like a lot but I bet it will simply fly by. I am one lucky girl!

Working from home is divine! I know have two days a week when I wake up early because I want to, not because I have to, when I don’t rush to work, when I cook and work even more, when I can enjoy a pot of my favourite tea instead of endless cups of so-so tea, when I spend time with Urma (if she wants) and when I am constantly smiling. I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders!

Friday night, as we were leaving the restaurant and wanted to head home, we accidentally bumped into Amalia and Ovidiu – I haven’t seen her in ages! and me and Ovidiu said we’d meet for a tea one day – and I was so happy to see them, the surprise was so intense, that we decided on the spot to go somewhere together and catch up. And so we did. We haven’t been drinking and socializing in a very long time and it was great to do it again. There were so many things we shared with one another, so many laughs we weren’t able to hold back (and why should we?) – it was so so good! And while we were staggering home I realised that unpredictable outings are the best.

And then there are people which I can’t get enough of. We see each other almost daily at work and then I still want to see them afterwards, to go somewhere and talk even more, spend more time together. And I think it’s a good thing that I’m still able to feel that way about certain people, that it’s not only about people disappointing me but also about great friends who have found a special place in my heart and who will stay there a long long time.

Among pretty colourful presents I got a more… technical one. I love my new camera lens but I don’t know how to use it! I’m not going to make a fool of my myself and admit that I manhandled it from the first day but at least I’ve read some reviews and in theory I should be able to use it without a problem.

But until spring arrives and I can go outside with my camera without fearing that I might slip and land on it, here are a couple of pics taken with the Lensbaby Composer.

I’m blogging while a nice lady is cleaning the apartment. I should feel guilty for not doing it myself but we’ve come to the conclusion that our free time is more important than having a tidy place. In Baia Mare we’ve had a cleaning lady since I was 13. I’ve always been a bit of a hoarder, clinging to things I didn’t use and not being able to throw them away, so it was good that there was someone who made me give up lots of useless things. I’ve recently opened my desk drawer and it’s so full that I can’t put anything inside anymore. I have to take it out, empty it and throw away everything that I don’t need. I’ll probably open it 50 more times until I’ll manage to clean it. I don’t know why I’m so attached to stupid useless things, why I can’t get rid of them.

I don’t know how long it takes to start climbing as if you know the technique but I’m definitely not there yet. I’m going there for fun and for the exercise and I don’t focus on how to get up, I just do. Sometimes when I’m at the middle of the panel I realise that I don’t know what to do next and I laugh and lose my balance. On the other hand, it feels so good when I reach the top and I’m out of breath and out of strength. I love each and every bruise I get from climbing and every callosity (is this the right term?) on my palms. I think that physical activity is very rewarding but the real challenge is to find an activity that suits you.

Lately it’s all been about me, me, me. Three days a week I go climbing and one evening I go and talk to A., my therapist. And it feels great to have such things to fill my time with. I’m very active and I wouldn’t miss one of those session for anything in the world. I finally realise how important it is to put myself first. I’m really pampering myself and it shows. *And they can’t take that away from me

The only thing that bothers me is that I can’t find the right settings for my camera. I’ve played a bit with the contrast and the white balance and everything and I still haven’t found the perfect combination. The colours are not bright enough and the pics look as if they were taken in the ’70s or something. I don’t have the patience to read miles and miles of articles about how to set your white balance but I think I’ll have to resort to that in the end…