This is my third day in Baia Mare and I still can’t sleep properly. I used to love the bed here and whenever I got home I just put my head on the pillow and I was asleep. And now I toss and turn and nothing. Not even the two duvets and the overheated room don’t make things easier for me.

But it’s good to be back home, I have to admit that. I have already met some of my dear friends from here and I still have many more to meet. I haven’t had time for myself but I managed to have my hair cut (yes, A., now you won’t have to see the ugly cut from the back of my head anymore ), buy some winter shoes and spend quality time with Mum. Oh, it’s soooo good to eat cooked food again! I’m sick and tired of falafel and pizza! At the top of my list with resolution I should put ‘cook more’. But who actually keeps track of those silly resolutions? I think they sound nice, they give you the impression that the year that’s just starting is going to be different, better and then you end up doing the same stupid things all over again.

I’m eating tangerines like there’s no tomorrow. I envy that my father has a green thumb. Yeah, their apartment gets more sunlight than ours, but still… They have so many plants and flowers and so few casualties. All the plants that I buy wither either because I water them too much or too less or because they don’t have enough light. I want to bright up the place and I can’t. I such a loser in so many ways…

This snow is such a bitch! When I woke up there was a thin layer of snow everywhere and it was snowing beautifully with big fat flakes and now it’s gone I really can’t picture Christmas without it and the city looks so sad and muddy and ugly. But there are still some days left and I still have hope.

I want to go back to bed and read all day but I don’t know if I have the patience to do that. I’m really mad at myself for not reading as much as I used to. I have to change that but how? Reading is something so personal, so mood-dependent. I can’t force myself to read if I’m not in the right mood and because I have other activities in the evenings I don’t have much time to read. It’s a horrible vicious circle!

*DeYarmond Edison - As long as I can go

The book fair is just around the corner and there’s so much work to do! We’re all so tired and I’m daydreaming about Christmas and going home and, like always, doing nothing! My far-away friends will also come this Christmas back home and I can hardly wait to spend hours talking and drinking tea with them. And I’m already thinking about Christmas presents and I have some ideas but not enough and I don’t know if I have enough money for all I want to give. Well, I can be generous at least once a year!

Since I’ve been working with books I’ve started to lose respect for their physical appearance. Not that ugly cover designs don’t make me shudder, but I’m more negligent with their pages: I don’t mind treating books like objects and not like gods. And I read so much at work and then I read some more when I get back home but I don’t want to stop, I just want to go back to read for my own pleasure and venerating books. I used to think that the coolest job ever would be to read books and get paid for that, now I’m having second doubts…

We took them back to their hotel and then we met Laura and Lucian. At least nothing bad happened while we were having beer. I’d missed our Friday nights out and it was nice to see them again. We always laugh so much when we go out. Although, I have to admit, it’s a bit scary to be ‘that couple’ that goes out with another couple

Anyways, the night ended not on a very happy note. When we got back home I realised that my phone had fallen from my pocket in the taxi. We called the taxi company but of course that no one admitted to having driven us home. I thought that was so lame. Come on, it was an old phone, why didn’t he want to give it back? And he didn’t use the SIM card cause the phone was turned off when we called. I’m even more pissed that we tipped the guy! We’re not going with that company anymore, that’s for sure.

Now I need to find a way to get my old number back. And, of course, I need a new phone. But my priority is a new bike, so the phone can wait (we have a very old one lying around so I’ll probably use that one). I also need to find a way to save some money cause I can be very careless at times. Thank God that I don’t have responsibilities

I have to rearrange my wardrobe and that thought scares the hell out of me

I’m buying a bike at the end of the month. A new one this time

*Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – More News from Nowhere

On the other hand, I should have learned by now that you can’t have everything, especially at the same time. You either have a cool job but no boyfriend, or a boyfriend but no job, or both but then you don’t have time for yourself. See what I mean? It’s a vicious, vicious circle. The only good things I can mention are going out with friends, lovely chit-chats, helping out a stranger (yup, did that on Friday) and playing Scrabble. I’m trying to read for 1h before going to bed, but of course that it doesn’t happen all the time. I feel like I’m so behind with my reading and I hate that.

I hope spring will make me feel better. If not, mărțișoarele surely will (and the sun, and warm weather, and going to Germany on the 9th of March, and Chinese food and…)

I am officially a bus runner (someone who runs after buses) now. If I miss one bus, my whole elaborate plan of arriving at work in time is fucked. And I am also starting to have anger management problems. The first bus and the metro are OK. The second bus is a bitch. So many people, so little space. But a 25-minute walk through the park, in this weather, doesn’t sound like fun. The point is that people are stupid and they don’t understand the concept of ‘crowded’ and they yell when you accidentally bump into them. I know that one day I’ll lose it and hit the bastard who complains about that. I really don’t like people.

I think I just need to adjust to this new schedule and I’ll be fine. And I have to find a way to accept the fact that the good old lazy days are over.

Yesterday was such a long day. I had an exam, but that was just fine. I love that professor! She is so nice and open-minded and she reads only contemporary literature – yep, just my type. Some people are simply right for what they are doing, while others… Don’t even get my started! I am so furious when I see that the same rules don’t apply to all of us, that some people get a special treatment… It just makes me sick. ‘Some animals are more equal than others’ totally applies to my MA program.

All the bars were full yesterday. It was very difficult to find a table for four on Lipscani. Most of  the bars have high prices, are full of smoke and have shitty music. And still, they are full. Going out is getting more and more frustrating. I’m considering buying lots of bottles of white beer and enjoying them at home. Maybe we’ll even buy a board game (the puzzle wasn’t such a good idea). Or maybe we’ll reserve a table in Absintherie Sixtina every time we want to go out and then we won’t be forced to drink overpriced beer in some horrible bar.

It’s difficult to choose what to read next. I’m so moody and so… I can’t focus on anything. One moment I’m in bed, then I’m washing the dishes, then I’m reading again, then I’m checking my mails… I’m so jumpy. I need some pills to calm down

I guess that I’m anxious about the future and that’s why I can’t enjoy the present (so cheesy, I know). At least I don’t have nightmares anymore. Also, I’m able to get up before 9 o’clock in the morning, which is quite something for me. What do I do with all that time? I guess I worry it away. I need to change something. Maybe the length of my hair. Maybe my hair colour. Maybe I need to discover new bands or new authors. I don’t know what I need, but hopefully I’ll find out soon enough.

Please don’t tell me that the colours don’t really match. I already know that and I don’t care

Yup, it’s December already and although it’s not yet snowing I can feel that the white plague is just around the corner. I hate snow!!! The only good thing about this winter is that Martha‘s visiting us at the end of the month. She’s not staying very long *sniff sniff*, but at least I’ll see her and we’ll have a wonderful time together. Last year Peter was here and we were going to parties, drinking lots of wine, having a great time Now my life seems so calm, so peaceful… I need tot get drunk one of these days!

Christmas is almost here and I feel like giving all these awesome gifts to my dear ones, but there are two major problems: I don’t have the money and I have no ideas. Nope, none. It’s like my mind’s refusing to cooperate and I feel that the presents I’ll buy will be the crappiest ever I still have about one week before panic sets in, so maybe I should get out of the house and start shopping. Still, don’t expect anything spectacular, this year I have a very low budget.

*Antony and The Johnsons – The Horror Has Gone

Until I have the new tiles, I’ll post some more pictures from Dublin.