I didn’t ask for any of this but everything is because of me. And I don’t know how to live blaming myself and also motivating myself. Like everything else about me, this is just another paradox.

*Wir sind Helden – Die Träume anderer Leute

I want to smash the phone when the alarm rings every morning at 7.
I want to sue the heating company for providing water that’s colder than my body temperature instead of hot water.
I want to attack with my book the people who get too close to me on the tube.
I want my skirts and dresses not to go up when I bike.

I want this weather to bloody decide already if it wants to be summer or autumn so I can dress accordingly.
I want rain boots not to be so expensive, it’s just plastic anyway!
I want to be able to save money.
I want to be able to speak German. And to learn Spanish.
I want to actually do something (with my life). (But I don’t know what.)

Inertia, baby, it’s all about inertia!

I’ve thought and thought and I’ve reached a couple of conclusions: a 9 to 5 job is not for me. Sure, I don’t mind it now and maybe I won’t mind it in three years’ time but at one point I’ll hate it. I need flexible hours, time for myself, for my daydreams and books. I’d rather have a part-time job and be a part-time housewife than work full-time.

Another conclusion is that no one is more important than me. I’ve known this all along but it feels good admitting it out loud. Everything will always be about ME. This means that I’ll forever do what I want for as long as I want it.

And the third conclusion is that I am afraid of getting old in Bucharest. It’s not a pleasant city and with each day that passes I get a tiny bit closer to insanity. The city, this city!, is driving me mad!

So taking everything into consideration I’ve decided to let life take it’s normal course till I’m 30 and if nothing happens (have the same job, live in the same apartment, have the same slightly boring life) I’ll move back home. Uhum, in the city where nothing happens. At least I can try to open my own bookshop and see how things go. Or I can have some insignificant job and read all day. I’ll live with my parents of course and I’ll cook with my dad and have coffee with Mum (tea for me). I doesn’t sound bad at all. Plus, that way I’ll make sure I’ll be a kid for ever and ever and ever

I think I need a shrink…

Well, actually, I’m very moody. Yeap, that’s the word: moody. And Andrieș is not helping me at all. I can’t believe I’m not sick and tired of listening to his songs. This is something new. But damn, his lyrics are great. And the music is simply wonderful. Every morning I’m in the mood for one of his songs and then I just go on listening to them for hours, though they are mildly depressing (if you know what lyrics to look for).

I like reading in German. I really do. Now that I don’t ‘have to’ learn it, I’m rediscovering this language through literature. Actually, I’m daydreaming that at one point in my life I’ll live for a couple of months in Germany and then I’ll be able to speak German. Yey! Until then all I can do is read and talk to myself in German (but that’s not fun).

He decided he wanted to drink coffee at home as well and I let him buy a coffee maker but now the whole kitchen smells of coffee! I mean, yeah, the smell is the only thing I like about coffee, but it’s so strange to have it in my (our) kitchen. I bought another tea today, just to feel like I still have the upper hand.

I’ll probably just go on being moody until spring. Or maybe I’ll hibernate and wake up when the sun is shining, the trees are blooming and everything is in its right place.

I’m really enjoying these last autumn days. I’m not taking as many walks as I would like to, but I’m wearing skirts and dresses all the time. I looked up how the weather’s going to be in Dublin and I didn’t like what I saw But I’ve promised myself I won’t let anything spoil that little adventure for me.

We’re not really a sociable couple but we’ve made a promise to go out every Friday and have dinner in a nice place. We discovered a vegetarian!!! restaurant and we’re planning on going there again. The food was delicious and there are so many dishes I want to try! I know, sometimes I feel that my life is revolving around food

And it’s also nice to spend more time with my colleagues. There are some pretty nice girls there and even though we’re probably not going to become BFF, I still like our talks. That’s one more thing to be grateful about.

Marianne thought that because I hadn’t answered her e-mail she couldn’t just ask me if I wanted her over. I was a bit offended, but it was my fault. I know lots of people I love to meet, but I don’t seek their company or I don’t send them e-mails after e-mails. It’s just how I am. With Mike, one of my lifelong BFFs, I never keep in touch. He is now studying in London and I think about him very often but that’s all. He has his life there, I have my life here and we’re OK with that. And as long as he is doing fine and he is healthy I can wait until we meet to tell me what he has been up to. When we meet we always spend hours together talking and laughing and there’s a special something between us that will never die and even if we didn’t see each other for years, I would still think the world of him and we would still have an amazing time together. And I can name at least 3 more people I feel the same about.

So, I guess that what I wanted to say is that even if I’m not the most active friend out there, there’s no point in being strangers. Everyone is a bit weird and I’m no exception to the rule

2. Her boy, who is 16,  is staying with us for 2 weeks just because I like his mum and I feel like I owe them something for those 2 weeks I spent at their place. I don’t like him at all and it was just a favour.

3. When we got back home from BM, the house was a mess. He had been using our pans although Eddie had told him to buy his own pan for frying meat. There were oil stains everywhere, unwashed dishes scattered around the kitchen. More than that, his stuff was everywhere – we barely had any place in the fridge to put our own groceries.

4. The moment he came home I told him about the mess he had made. His answer: “I didn’t think that was a mess. To me it looked clean enough”. Not to mention the countless rude retorts. He thinks he owns the place and he acts like I’m the guest.

5. I started cleaning the kitchen and the moment I was finished with the cooker he wanted to fry meat!!!!! For fuck’s sake, I scrubbed and I cleaned and now you want to fuck up my work? Of course, he is a sportsman and he needs to eat heavy stuff… Now all the apartment smells of his fucking fried meat and I don’t even want to see how the cooker looks…

6. Every time I tell him about something bad that he has done, he replies that “I’m only 16″ or “I had no idea about that” or “I’m a boy, I don’t have to know how to cook”. Well, fuck you, I won’t give you private cooking lessons! Speaking of which, his mum told me today that I should teach him how to clean! EXCUSE ME??? Are you bloody insane???? You’re letting your kid move on his own to Bucharest, finishing his high school here and you want me to teach him everyfuckingthing that you haven’t taught him yet??? I’m sorry, I’m no babysitter.

7. This is it! Except friends and family and the occasional couch surfers, I won’t have anyone else stay at my place. Yes, I have a spare room, but I don’t want to be anyone’s maid. Really, it’s absolutely outrageous the way this kid talks to me! And for these two hell of a weeks he is not paying rent and he didn’t bring us anything, not even a bar of chocolate. It’s like “hey, suckers, I’m pissing all over you and you can’t do anything about that”. I would LOVE to just throw his stuff out of the balcony and change the lock. But I can’t, so IN MY OWN HOUSE I will have to put up with his crap until Friday.

Someone really hates me up there…

I don’t know if I want to find out the cause of these horrible nightmares but I think it would be interesting to read some studies about what’s going on in our mind when we’re sleeping. Until then I’ll be, again, terrified of going to sleep at night.

Other than that it’s great to have someone to come with you wherever you want to go Biking, having a picnic in the parc, visiting an exhibition, going shopping… yup, I drag him everywhere. Although most of the time we sit at home watching Seinfeld and Friends or reading. And that fits my antisocial self like a glove.

Sometimes I think that being content is not that bad after all

Today I was walking very fast going from Romană to Unirii to meet up with him. I had my earphones on (like always), I was wearing a very decent red skirt and, like I’ve said, I was walking very fast. As I was passing through the passage at Universitate, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I stopped and turned around expecting to see a familiar face. Well, the guy who had tapped me didn’t look familiar at all. He was a bit chubby, kinda my height, with blonde hair and he was wearing a red jacket and a red cap (red, everyone was wearing red today!).

I saw that he was saying something so I took off my earphones. I thought he was someone who needed directions or wanted some money.

- Uhm… do you speak Romanian? he asked me in English.
- (WTF?!) Da! Of course I speak Romanian!
- Oh, hahaha, OK. Well, you know…
- What do you want?
- Uhm, do you have any idea what would be the perfect but casual pick up line?

I didn’t even listen to what else he wanted to say. I put my earphones on and headed for the escalator. He was coming after me. I rushed out and walked even faster but he was still behind me gesticulating and saying things I didn’t hear. I lost him at one point or he simply gave up.

I really don’t understand these guys. Do they really think we could fall for someone who is creeping up on us? Or for someone who out of the blue asks us for the perfect pick up line?

People are so fucking strange!