The best part of Christmas is the second day when my parents go to have fun at their friends’ place and I stay behind and I’m alone for a couple of hours. I spend 2 1/2 days with my family in the countryside and I feel that I’ve said everything there was to say and that we had a lovely Christmas together and now I can reward myself with a bit of me time.

Up until now I’ve had a great time home. Tiring but great. I don’t feel that I’ve missed much by not keeping in touch with many people. Yes, I miss some of my classmates but I’m not as sociable as I used to be, I’m not that open. I hate it when people don’t mix, when there are awkward pauses in the conversation and I feel good only with people I’ve know for years and whom I can rely on. The night I went out with Steve and M. was fantastic from my point of view. We had something to drink, the conversation was great and I felt that we were going to meet for many more years to come. I think one of my resolutions will be to let go of people who don’t mean that much to me and stick to the ones who deserve it. There are things I can get over and there are things that are a deal breaker. And for my peace of mind I’m not going to accept any deal breakers.

Spending time with my extended family was okish except that the kids become tiring the third morning and at one point the grown-ups surrounded me with stupid questions: ‘When are you getting married?’ ‘Why hasn’t he joined you here?’ ‘Are you still with him?’ ‘Do you still have feelings for him?’ etc. etc. etc. I know that they always do that and I know that I can’t stop them (that much I’ve learned by going to therapy) but sometimes I wish I could put them on mute and explain that I never ask them about their personal business and that I hate it when they’re trying to be funny by asking me such idiotic questions but I’m pretty sure that next time they would ask the same questions all over again. So I just took a deep breath, told them I’m not getting married and changed the subject. But it bothers me that they still don’t know me/understand me and that they think that I’ll change my mind and do what’s expected of me.

I can’t believe I’m the oldest one among my cousins and other relatives! That I’m an aunt who brings them presents for Christmas and who has a fancy phone :)) and who got a cool haircut and colours her hair! I remember vividly the times when I looked up to my cousins and now it’s scary that there are others who look up to me. Even tough we are so different we are still bound together by this thing called ‘family’. This concept still puzzles me and 50% of time I want to be as far as possible from it (family) and the other half I’d give anything to be closer… I can only hope that one day I’ll know what I actually want.

*Bon Iver – Blood Bank

Posted on by ionuca | Posted in Baia Mare, Bits and pieces, For a minute there I lost myself, I'm just a girl, Pictures of you, Try walking in my shoes, With a little help from my friends

4 Responses to Is that Christmas morning creaks?*

  1. by Eddie on December 27, 2011 at 12:36 am

    So do you still have feelings for him? :)

  2. by Gracie on December 27, 2011 at 11:14 am

    It’s a while Xmas isn’t the same for me as it used to be. I’m not in the mood anymore to be festive….and the same feeling I have for the 31 dec. it’s like you must have fun no matter what, I hate that!
    P.S. no package arrived at your home?

  3. by samuan on December 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Hey !!! Hi !!!

    You’re the same :D ! I like that. You’re still YOU. That’s good.

    I do not check for you since long time ago. Since I red( is correct ? :D ) O limba comuna by Sorin Stoica. You mooh me a good book. It’s original like you. And… gues what… I’m reading a book and… feel aleph. Is you or someone else? :D .

  4. by ionuca on December 28, 2011 at 11:52 am

    @Eddie: I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel when I meet him :P

    @Gracie: actually, I did :) But I was already in BM so the package is still at the post office, waiting for me to return to Bucharest and pick it up :)

    @samuan: unfortunately it’s me, but don’t tell anyone else :))

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