I am still amazed how I can go from being happy to being depressed in 2 minutes. How I let every fucking single detail ruin my day. I am over sensitive and I’d like to feel nothing for a change. I’d like to be immune to external stimuli…

Also, I am very good at fucking things up. I was so happy that autumn has finally arrived! I was walking down the street with this huge smile on my face and I couldn’t get enough of that cold crisp air promising new adventures and good times. I was bursting with joy! And then today… oh, today it was horrible! After I had finally mustered up my courage to go to my boss and ask for a 2-day leave from work, I had my mind set on buying an autumn coat. It was a complete failure! I had seen some very nice jackets online but they were so different IRL! Disappointingly different… I don’t get it: it’s an autumn jacket, it means it should protect me from the cold. I don’t need a pretty expensive thiiiin coat cause I don’t want to freeze to death! Also, I don’t want to wear my winter jacket from late October to early March cause that would be too depressing. I want something in between! And also, who the fuck wears fur on their collar??? Anyways… I’ll give it one more try tomorrow, otherwise I’ll just wear my very old jackets. Too bad that I don’t know any good second hand shops here and I don’t have time to go to BM and shop there…

17 more days till we’ll be on a plane to Köln! It will be quite a trip getting from the airport to the hotel (we land at midnight) but we’ll manage somehow. After that everything will be more than words can say: the concert, the girls, the city, the wandering around, the pictures… This is going to be my 4th autumn trip abroad. I like this tradition and I should do everything to make it happen year after year. Every trip abroad is more than a breath of fresh air… it’s normality. I need it!!! I want it!!!

Sometimes I feel like I’m on autopilot: get up, go to work, be productive, come home, waste time, go to sleep, start all over again next morning. Most of the time I want to break this ugly ugly routine but almost every day I return home without having taken a picture, without having stopped by Cărturești, without doing anything nice! I am so mad at myself for that… In order to make things better, I’ll go to a book release tomorrow and on Friday I’ll go to the cinema. Bloody small things, how you can’t live without them!

Posted on by ionuca | Posted in For a minute there I lost myself, I think I'm paranoid and complicated, I'm just a girl, My Bucharest, Pictures of you

6 Responses to !!!

  1. by vio on October 13, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    see you soonish! :X

    meanwhile, Paris, here we come:> :>

  2. by claudia on October 14, 2011 at 5:33 am

    but, but, why don’t you put it on your list? Although, to be honest, I.do.the.exact.same.thing. Pfft.

  3. by Ally on October 16, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Coke? that’s a tough external stimulus…
    Safe flight to Koln! :)

  4. by ionuca on October 16, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    @vio: have fun there!

    @claudia: I went there the next day and bought a thick jacket! :D yay!

    @Ally: don’t worry, I drink a bit of Coke maybe once/month. I like the taste, I don’t drink it for the caffeine.

  5. by Gracie on October 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Tha’s called life honey! But make sure to schedule some little extra every day. For me it’s reading a blog, a little walk arond the block during lunch break, writing down some thoughts before going to sleep, watching again old photos and laughing about them….. things like these, able to re-connect you with your inner self….

  6. by ionuca on October 24, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    @Gracie: I think I’ve told yo this before, but I need to get a bit more old to get wiser, but I’m on the right path :)

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