Rainbow Child

Yes, it comes and goes, but it doesn’t disappear. It’s always there, whether I like it or not, whether I want it to be there or not.

And because this thing, this combination of regret and longing, makes me physically sick I should be able to do something about it. But I can’t. I just whine and complain and wish things were different.

I can’t send that e-mail, I can’t write that message, I can’t do it. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Going to Ikea has never been more fun! Martha was the evil mind behind these photos and it was wonderful being her partner in crime!

Uneori, din ce in ce mai des in ultimul timp, imi pare tare, tare rau ca sunt fata si nu baiat. Ca sunt mai slaba de felul meu si cu fata de copila de 17 ani. In unele zile mi-as dori sa fiu un tip cat un dulap. Sa fi mers la sala de cel putin 3 ori pe saptamana in ultimii 5 ani si sa imi lipseasca cei 7 ani de acasa.

Asa ca atunci cand m-as plimba linistit cu bicicleta pe pista de biciclete si un dobitoc care asteapta autobuzul cu un picior pe pista m-ar impinge pentru ca probabil am trecut prea aproape de el nu m-as gandi de doua ori inainte sa ma dau jos de pe bita, sa ma duc la el si sa-i trag vreo 3 pumni in fata, inca vreo 3 dupa cap si un picior in burta. Iar apoi m-as urca inapoi pe bicicleta si as pleca mai departe ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat.

M-am saturat sa fiu agresata pe strada si singurul lucrul pe care sa-l pot face e sa-l trimit pe respectivul in pizda ma-sii. M-am saturat sa incerc sa fiu civilizata si sa nu-i deranjez pe cei din jur cand cei din jur se comporta ca ultimele jeguri. Nu mai pot sa stau cu mainile-n san, dar ce naiba pot sa fac in cazuri din astea?

Sunt asa de scarbita, pff!!

Autumn could easily have been my favourite period of the year if it wasn’t for the rainy days and horribly cold weather. Basically, autumn could have been my favourite time of the year if all days were like this one: 18 degrees Celsius outside, happily sunny and lots of colourful leaves everywhere. And because we don’t get such beautiful days in November, we seized the day and had a small photowalk around strada Polona. oompa is always the first to say yes to such outings, Martha was happy to discover a new part of Bucharest (later she confessed she had already been on most of the streets in that area ) and Eddie just likes taking his new camera out for walks.

Unfortunately, every up has a down and I still curse the minute we stopped to talk to The Crazy Lady (TCL). She was walking her dog and she found it suspicious that 5 people (we were actually 4, but we couldn’t make her say the right number) were walking on her street and taking pictures. She also said she was ‘an artist herself’ and that she observed what we took pictures of and we photographed only ugly things (Eddie took a picture of the building across the street and Martha was using her macro lens to take a picture of a fungus on a tree). And that we must be working for some organisation that sent us on the street to take ugly pictures of Romania and then disgrace our country by posting them. Oh, my head hurts only when remembering that episode! No matter how hard we tried to explain that we’re just walking around, trying to know Bucharest better and taking pictures of what WE thought was interesting she just went on and on and on about us trying to make the country look bad with the ugly pictures we took. And she implied that we shouldn’t have the liberties we have and we shouldn’t be allowed to express our opinions. Anyways, I don’t want to talk about this stupid encounter anymore, I just want to tell her that she’s a crazy bitch and she should go and fuck herself.

Having so much free time on my hands makes me seriously think about starting a 365-picture project, the one where you take one picture/day every day for one year. It’s not that ‘wow, I take so great pics’, but if I am able to hold on to such a project and finish it, then I’m able to do anything Laziness and the wild mood swings are going to be the death of me if I don’t do something about them. Of course, I have until the 1st of January to decide and I’ll change my mind thousand of times till then, but it’s a idea worth taking into consideration.

In House M.D. everyone is telling House he has to change or he’ll end up alone. People, he’s 50 already, no kids, no close family, no real friends, how more alone do you think a person can get? What I find amazing is their optimism. No matter how old and fucked up he is, there might still be a chance for him to be happy.

But here, if you’re not married by the time you’re 25 you are a loser. If you don’t want kids you are a freak. If you think about volunteering instead of finding a decent job you are out of your bloody mind. Books and tea – just a whim. Shooting from the hip – a waste of money. Recycling – a passing craziness. Riding a bike – a very stupid a dangerous idea.

You have to CHANGE in order to be happy. Stop being who you are and be like everyone else. Get out of the house. Meet people. Stop seeing faults in everyone, change your stupid ways, change your stupid self. Be NORMAL. Almost 23 and already a misanthrope. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, really. You’re pretty, you’re smart… you just have to grow up. CHANGE. Do you think someone could actually accept you with all your obsessions and your need to control everything? Do you think someone will let you boss him around like you do with everyone else? Do you actually think you’re better than everyone else?

You don’t know shit about being happy. Being happy means having a boyfriend like any other normal girl. Being happy means knowing where you want to be in 5 years time and doing everything possible to make that come true. Being happy is never-ever doing things you’ll end up regretting later. How do I know you’ll regret them? I just know, trust me. Being happy is doing what I’m telling you to do because I know better. I’m always right, you know I am, so I don’t understand why you refuse to listen to me.

You’ll get over this and you’ll change and then you’ll see I was right all along. I am just going to repeat all of the above to you every time I have the opportunity in order to make you open your eyes until it’s not too late. You know, beauty fades away really fast, youth is gone in a minute and what is a girl without her beauty and her youth? You want to end up like D. all alone and sad? In fact, you’re like her in so many ways that it scares me. Stop being such an impossible human being and change! Change!