The art of being alone
25 Jul
It’s not easy, it’s not easy at all being alone. Yeah, you’ve got independence, you can be as selfish as you want, but it’s still not easy. You wake up in the morning and think: ‘I’ve got a full day ahead of me, just me myself and I. What should I do today?’ And you have to come up with one-person activities. When you cook you put on music cause otherwise the kitchen is too silent. When you read you must not think that it would be so great to have someone reading by your side; so you make yourself a cup of tea and pretend that’s your friend.
You have to learn not to depend on others but without ending up a loner. You go out with friends, you feel good, but then you know you’re going to end alone in your apartment and you have to be OK with that. So you buy a chocolate on your way home, you think about things to do, you watch a movie and you forget about the alone part.
And it’s always awkward telling people that you do things alone, that you go on trips alone. ‘Why don’t you go with a friend?’ Because my friends have their own lives and most of them don’t have as much free time as I have. ‘Oh, but why don’t you find yourself a boyfriend to do stuff with?’ Because I don’t want a boyfriend just because I don’t have anyone to do stuff with and good guys don’t just grown on trees. ‘But do you like doing things on your own?’ See, this is something that you learn through hard years of practice. Some are really good at this, other still have a long way to go. But yeah, I don’t mind this anymore, I’m used to it. ‘And don’t you feel alone?’ Heh, I’m always alone.
I always take a book with me so as not to be alone. If I’m eating by myself in a restaurant I have the book in front of me and read from it. Or if I’m waiting for someone I take my book out of the bag and start reading. It gives me a feeling of being with someone. And everything is fine and dandy until someone has to shout it out in your face that in fact you’re alone, it’s no point hiding behind a book.
I don’t know why people dread being alone. It’s hard work, but in the end it’s not that bad. At least now you don’t have to postpone going somewhere because other people can’t join you. You don’t have to put up with other’s bad temper, stupid ideas etc. You are your own master; you can do whatever you want, when you want.
Being alone is a social status, just like being in relationship, being married, being divorced are. It shouldn’t be a shame that you are alone, people shouldn’t look at you pitiful. Not all of us are equipped for being in a relationship, that shouldn’t be hard to understand or accept. And not all of us accept being in a relationship only because “we have to be”. I don’t think there’s something wrong with me if I think about myself as a future spinster. And why should that be?
People can’t possibly be by your side all the time, so I’m happy that I’ve learnt how to be there for myself. Alone people are not that bad 
I sooo know where you’re coming from with all this – and I’m sort of that way sometimes too. And you’re right, it does feel like an art, albeit a misunderstood one
it’s a bit odd though, the fact that you had to come up with such an elaborate argument to explain it
heavy stuff there partner, but have no fear, come autumn, I am here
two self-sufficient ladies joining forces.
@ Ameer: I’d say the most misunderstood one
@ Graunta: well, what I’m experiencing is not easy
@ Amalia: yes, please be my alone friend!
“Being alone is a social status”. Asta îmi place, dă cumva legitimitate singurătăţii. Într-adevăr “alone people are not that bad”. Şi nici singurătatea. Singurătatea e urâtă doar la bătrâneţe presupun. Când eşti tânăr e bine să mai fii şi singur ca să te cunoşti pe tine însuţi. Eu întotdeauna am crezut că trebuie să-ţi placă să fii singur(fiindcă acest lucru înseamnă că a devenit prieten cu tine însuţi) înainte de a avea prieteni sau a fi într-o relaţie cu cineva.
Iată ce spunea Pleşu acum ceva timp în Adevărul despre singurătate:
“Singurătatea e materia primă a reflexivităţii şi a construcţiei de sine. „Dumnezeu – s-a spus – e ceea ce fiecare ştie să facă cu propria sa singurătate”. Nu se poate trăi prin aglutinare, nu se poate supravieţui interior în condiţia unei sociabilităţi perpetue. Sfârşeşti, inevitabil, prin a-ţi pierde chipul, prin a deveni un ins statistic. Orice om are nevoie (chiar când nu-şi mai dă seama) de episodul nutritiv al unei confruntări solitare cu adâncul şi cu înaltul său, cu terorile sale, cu portretul său, cu unicitatea destinului său. Nu întâmplător, în închisorile Chinei comuniste, una din torturile cele mai redutabile era anularea completă a singurătăţii: condamnatul era, clipă de clipă, însoţit (de fapt încolţit) de o prezenţă tăcută dar tenace, o prezenţă programată să excludă orice posibilitate a intimităţii şi a solilocviului.”
good for you and for anybody who feels like this. coming from myself, one who rarely ”joins forces” with another one. and who NEEDS to take that mentioned alone trip, and fast.
@ ZuZu: toate bune si frumoase cu being alone pana cand EI intervin cu intrebari indiscrete, ridicat din sprancene, dezbateri pe la colturi si te fac sa te simti ca cel mai “wrong kind of person” din intreaga lume
@ morbo: it took me quite some time to accept it, but now it’s OK
being alone, as well as being with somebody, has its ups and downs. it all depends on how you experience it. except a few moments, I absolutely love being alone (that is, without a boyfriend). its so good to do whatever you please, as you please, without always taking him into consideration.
if he existed… I’m sure I’d love it just as much. to be held in his arms, to have somebody to care for you and care after. it’s just a lovely feeling.
but I appreciate every step of the way, as it comes. and I don’t mind the ones that bug into my life wanting to know why I’m not with somebody. for God’s sake, significant others don’t grow up in trees!
kisses.
PS: I walked by your building last night and thought you weren’t there. you are missed, alone-girl!
*it’s
@ jane: don’t worry, September’s almost here