Rainbow Child

A inceput cu o Cuba Libre. De fapt, a inceput cu Fen ridicandu-ma in brate si invartindu-ma prin crasma. Apoi, din senin, m-am trezit cu Raul salutandu-ma. Am fost asa de surprinsa, incat primul lucru care mi-a iesit pe gura a fost: “Da’ tu ce faci aici?” “Pai, te-am urmarit pana aici.” Pentru o fractiune de secunda chiar l-am crezut, apoi mi-am dat seama ca oamenii mai si glumesc, duuh! Oricum, my friends were cooler than his friends

Solistul trupei care avea concert in crasma cred ca avea a bad hair day, ca tot statea cu gluga de la hanorac pe cap. Mi-am luat o bere si cand si-a facut efectul am putut sa ignor ce se intampla pe scena. Conversatii in engleza sunt greu de purtat cand esti putin ametit, unii incearca sa cante si toata lumea se freaca de tine cand se plimba dintr-o parte-n alta. Dar m-am linistit de tot dupa ce am stat in povesti cu ciudath, de care-mi place la fel de mult ca prima data

Am mai intalnit si oameni prea plictisiti ca sa aiba chef de small-talk si i-am dus lipsa lui Dorin. Intr-un final ne-am mutat intr-un pub ca sa mai bem o bere si sa stam linistiti in povesti. Crasma s-a dovedit a fi prea hip pentru noi. Iar in pub am pus tara la cale, asta dupa ce m-am facut eu de rusine uitandu-ma insistent la un tip frumusel de la masa de vizavi, asta pana cand mi-a picat fisa ca heh, tipu’ e un traducator pe care-l mai vad la lansari de carte si care e prieten cu… mda. Apoi ne-am terminat berile si am luat un taxi pana la mine. Am facut pe gazda si i-am hranit cu cartofi pai cu mult cascaval si ketchup. Ema a baut doar o cafea.

Satui si cu chef de vorba, am stat in povesti pana la 5 dimineata. Sunt exagerat de sincero-naivo-disperata uneori, incat ma mir cum m-au suportat oamenii aia atatea ore. Mai ales Vlad, teh only dude around. I-am dat si lui sansa sa aleaga un subiect de discutie, dar acuma, pe bune, e mult mai interesant sa te plangi de tot ce nu merge bine, decat sa vorbesti despre inseminare artificiala la vaci!

Iar  in dupa-amiaza de azi, dupa un somn de 6 ore si o mahmureala light, am fost in Andries-mood si am lucrat cu spor. Mai ramane sa termin, intr-un final!!!, Copiii din miez de noapte si pot sa declar sambata asta una dintre sambetele cu cele mai faine amintiri de pana acum.

Short update to tell you that I don’t have anything to tell you I’m still fighting to finish a book, still drinking lots of tea, still not started writing my final paper, but I bought tulips today and it’s sunny outside and I can’t stop smiling

I’ve always been a “simple things” kind of person. Almost anything could make my day. But lately I’ve been wanting this one BIG thing; what exactly, that I don’t know. But I know my small things didn’t make me happy anymore. I ignored them, made them look insignificant, dismissed them. I didn’t make myself happy anymore.

And it just hit me: all this complaining, feeling depressed all the time, having panic attacks about the future, all this shit that was going on was only because of me. Me, me, me. Cause it’s way easy to complain than to actually do something about it, isn’t it?

So I’ve decided not to bitch anymore. To do something about this, whatever this is. I am so scared of not having enough time for me, but in fact I have a lot and I just waste it instead of making the best of it. I know, it sounds like a stupid self-help book, but sometimes you just have to help yourself.

And in order to do that I’m going back to the roots. Back to being a colourful, silly, spoiled, gullible, “I love this world” child. No more bad hair days, not more giving a rat’s ass about what to wear, no more frowning while walking around the city, no more letting stupid people bring me down *or at least that’s what I’m going to try and do*.

Besides, I want to do something each and every day. And something can mean a lot of different things: smiling to a stranger, reading on Wikipedia about something I’ve always wanted to read but “never had time to”, buying snowdrops, not picturing how I’m killing the stupid fuck who accidentally touched my hand in the metro, playing more with uRMa, you get the picture.

I’m really excited about this, though I know it won’t be easy sticking to it and I know happiness doesn’t show up on command. But I really, really think I can change and just be Me again.

Wish me luck!

I am so you-less. I’ve never been, uhm, inner demon-free before, not like this. It’s a scary feeling.

She packed her last 6 months in a suitcase and 2 backpacks. We had our last tea and looked at photos. I was really really sad, but I didn’t want to bring her down as well, so I fooled around.

In the last months I’ve learned to spice my food, to drink tea in the morning, to eat falafel and to be more eco.

It was great!

Ps. The Bug is staying with me for now. I’m using it as a pillow.