Rainbow Child

If I admit to myself that I still love her, will my subconscious leave me alone? She was the best thing that happened to me and I let her believe I walked out on her. She gave music and colours and rainbows and tea. I still remember the way she smells, how incredibly beautiful she looks when she smiles, how delicate her hands are. There were so many songs and photos I wanted to send to her, without knowing who sent them. There were so many e-mails I wanted to write to her, so many conversations I had with her in my imaginary world. So many things that I’ll never say and she’ll never know. I’m trying hard to convince myself that this is for the best, that if this happened is only for a reason. But when I wake up in tears cause I dreamed of her, well, I don’t know what that reason could possibly be. If it’s so goddamned easy to get over boyfriends, why is it so goddamned hard to get over her?