I’m living in a crazy world. Guess who sent me a mail today? Alex! I haven’t heard from him for months and months and now I got a mail from him. The freaky part is that I can’t really make out what he actually wanted. He wasn’t the type of person who had existential problems, who philosophised, who thought about human nature and other deep stuff, and now, I’m reading his mail and I’m like “what the fuck? Who are you and what did you do to the Alex I knew?” Apart from all that babbling that I really don’t understand, he wants me to put aside my feelings for him, not to thing about the past and to be friends Yeeeaaah right! I don’t want this to sound bitchy or mean, but I can’t be friends with him. Even a mail from him makes me feel awkward, imagine what “being friends” would make me feel like.

And, fuck, it’s not that I care , or I still have feelings for him, or want him, but… aaah, there’s still something there, something I’ve been trying to get rid of in the last… hmmm… 6 years. My heart still stops beating when I see him in his car, or when I just see the car parked in front of a pub in Baia Mare. I still smile when I think about us and how very young and stupid we were, but that doesn’t mean I can have a normal conversation with him, that I can send him e-mails like nothing ever happened. And I’m not mad at him.

All in all, the e-mail he sent was ok, he was trying to be nice to me, but I can’t, I simply can’t be myself around him. Yes, I’ll say hi when I see him, I’ll make small-talk if I am forced to, but nothing more. For me, it’s better this way. God, I’m almost angry at him for suggesting such a stupid thing! Sorry, dude, it’s not you, it’s me.

Ps. Why the heck did I rename the Inner demon category? I really needed it now…