Rainbow Child

Da, din nou, pentru a 9-a oara anul asta Stiu, sunt obsedata. De data asta o iau si pe mama cu mine Deci: Kumm, deseara, de la 22, in Laptarie

I’m living in a crazy world. Guess who sent me a mail today? Alex! I haven’t heard from him for months and months and now I got a mail from him. The freaky part is that I can’t really make out what he actually wanted. He wasn’t the type of person who had existential problems, who philosophised, who thought about human nature and other deep stuff, and now, I’m reading his mail and I’m like “what the fuck? Who are you and what did you do to the Alex I knew?” Apart from all that babbling that I really don’t understand, he wants me to put aside my feelings for him, not to thing about the past and to be friends Yeeeaaah right! I don’t want this to sound bitchy or mean, but I can’t be friends with him. Even a mail from him makes me feel awkward, imagine what “being friends” would make me feel like.

And, fuck, it’s not that I care , or I still have feelings for him, or want him, but… aaah, there’s still something there, something I’ve been trying to get rid of in the last… hmmm… 6 years. My heart still stops beating when I see him in his car, or when I just see the car parked in front of a pub in Baia Mare. I still smile when I think about us and how very young and stupid we were, but that doesn’t mean I can have a normal conversation with him, that I can send him e-mails like nothing ever happened. And I’m not mad at him.

All in all, the e-mail he sent was ok, he was trying to be nice to me, but I can’t, I simply can’t be myself around him. Yes, I’ll say hi when I see him, I’ll make small-talk if I am forced to, but nothing more. For me, it’s better this way. God, I’m almost angry at him for suggesting such a stupid thing! Sorry, dude, it’s not you, it’s me.

Ps. Why the heck did I rename the Inner demon category? I really needed it now…

9:30. The alarm clocks starts buzzing. I press the snooze button and go back to sleep. 10 minutes later I still don’t feel like getting out of the bed; I sleep some more. Finally, at 9:55 I find the power to drag myself to the bathroom and take a shower. I look in the mirror: uuuh, not quite my day today. I make myself a cup of black tea – two spoonfuls of sugar and milk, please – and eat my breakfast: a Milka.

I start going over my courses once more: simple finite sentences, the projection principle, internal/external arguments, theta role, lexical categories, the copula BE, exclusively modifying adjectives, unergative verbs, the resultative construction - what’s all this shit? I realise I’m not at all prepared for today’s exam, but I try to remain calm, pour myself another coup of tea and eat some more chocolate.

I read some blogs, listen to Thievery Corporation, play with uRMa, spend more than half an hour deciding what to wear, go to and fro between my room and the kitchen, wash the dishes, I do anything possible not to think about the exam. It’s like I don’t know how to study anymore; like I don’t have the patience to understand and memorise all the useless information they give us; when I’m not lazy, I’m too agitated; when I finally get in the right mood to just sit and study, I’m hungry – yes, I’m a bad student.

2 more minutes and I’m out of here. Better go brush my teeth and get read. I loathe exams especially when they make me feel this nervous and anxious.

This is the fourth November in a row I’ve been watching this movie. I fell in love with Sarah all over again: with her optimism, her hippie clothes, her smile, her apartment, her bohemian attitude. And it’s the fourth November in a row I’ve been crying my eyes out while watching it

Spring brings the rain,
With winter comes pain,
Every season has an end.

The Greenhornes and Holly Golightly – There is an end

Pictures for Vio

Uuu, a Mac!

Nice and cosy