Rainbow Child

I just love how violent Garfield can be sometimes. He’s showing Jon who the real boss is

She hasn’t kissed* me for almost 4 days now. What’s gotten into that cat of mine?

*it’s not actually a kiss. We touch noses, that’s all. But that’s the way she expresses how much she loves me. Or so I think

It was ok at my grandma’s. Like I presumed, I ate and read, then ate some more and then I slept. My aunt is a great cook and she kept on nagging me to eat, so I had no other choice than to obey her And I finally managed to get back to my reading pace and I finished 3 books in 4 days and listened to the two parts of Terry Pratchett’s Interesting times audiobook. That book kicks ass Yeah, I’m definitely going back for a couple of days sometime in the future.

Currently I’m being very happy cause I friend of mine [hello, you stranger ] gave me the last Harry Potter book in txt format. It’s on my reader and though I haven’t had time today to read, I have already shed a few tears. This book is really addictive!!! Now I’m going back to bed, with my eBook reader and the Harry Potter book. By the way things go, I’ll have finished it by tomorrow afternoon

I wish there was a comic strip with Garfield and Harry Potter. It would soooo great. Instead, my second favourite cat in the world, after my uRMa, of course, is busy being jealous. Awww, isn’t he sweet?

I’m going to my grandma’s till Friday. No Internet, no laptop, no M.A.S.H., no nothing, except eating, sleeping and reading. Hopefully, I’ll have VH1, but I’m not betting on that. So, see you Friday.

I don’t know why I kept some MMSs from Cata, and I have absolutely NO idea why I’ve read them. Of course they made me cry. I know I have ranted about this a million times before, but it’s something I cannot understand: where the fuck does all that love go?

We were so excited, we almost counted the days till he would move to Bucharest. And then? What happened then? Why did we argue that much? Why couldn’t we stand one another? Where did all our love go?

I simply cannot get over it; I can’t. It’s funny how I talk about him now; how I’m telling people that I could have accepted him with all his faults. Why is it so easy to talk like that now and why didn’t I accept him then? April, May, June – and then we would have been together every day. What the fuck happened?

I can’t believe we were together for almost a year and a half and then we blew it. I’m not over this because I know this relationship never had the opportunity it deserved: we were never in the same city. When he was in Cluj and I was in Baia Mare it was ok cause he used to come home every fortnight. It was a living hell when he was that semester in Italy. And, ironically, we broke up when he came back to Cluj. I’m so mad at myself that I feel like punching me right in the face. How could I have been that stupid?

The truth is
We were much too young

I know I was. I was so scared that he wanted to move to Bucharest because of me. I was scared of my feelings. I was scared that I loved him. I know it sounds damn stupid, but it’s the truth. I’ve always had these dreams about moving to Bucharest and living my life and meeting someone at university and becoming lovers and shit. He was supposed to come when I was ready. Not even once did I imagine myself dating the same guy as in high school. Why did you come that early? Couldn’t you wait a bit longer?

No matter how brave I try to look, how much I lie to myself, I think about him every day. And I can’t erase those MMS, or the e-mails he sent me, or the pictures of him from my PC or iPod. I can’t.

Now I’m looking for you
Or anyone like you

I’m not looking. I tried to be with another guy and it was bleah. I’m picky and choosy and I can’t stand many persons around me, especially boys. Only the thought of a guy holding my hand makes me sick. These are my real feelings. And I have run away from him, from what I feel, but it’s no good. When it comes to being sincere with myself, I have to admit all this shit. I don’t want him back. I just wish the relationship had the chance it deserved.

*In Flames – Dawn of a new day